You cannot love anyone full until you love yourself. If ever you feel really horrible and don't know what to do with yourself, come on here and vent. It's constant and you can never escape it, it only starts going with time (unless you reconcile). I just hope she won't start dating anyone else in the meantime. Then i talked to her again and BAM back to not eating enough, but this time not so bad. Thanks so much for the encouragement, I hear what you are both saying. A guy might not commit to a girl because he has built a mountain of wealth and he doesn’t love her enough to bring her along for the ride. In her mind she is going around thinking, “My god, that a$$ hole can never commit. We were both each others first love. It has been a week with no contact. On another note, I did tell her that I loved her and that I wanted to to commit and how important she was to me when we broke up. Downbeat is right, Jeh89. Ive reached the point of ultimate understanding. This guy really likes me But not ready to commit. Do you think i have done enough to let her know how i feel, and is a freeze out the best way forward. Have you ever wonder how did she feel when you broke up with her? Louis is suffering from a deep fear of engulfment. I have been thinking about her non stop the past 2 months, I lost weight, I don't feel like doing anything and I often cry thinking about her with other people. You've done well not to have any contact with her for 3 weeks. I have since realised you cant date people because u just think of ur ex!! Now she's twenty-two. It's not gonna help you concentrate on your work. Why did you always take him back for 8 straight years if he never changed? I would do anything to win her heart and make her understand how much she means the world to me and how I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Im concerned that at this stage, if it looks like im purposely doing something she will be less attracted to me as it looks petty that i didnt reply. Is it definitely not a good idea to start building up trust with her through contact, as thats the thing that i neglected in the first place? I really need help. That is what is killing me and causing all my anxiety. The thing is, i know this girl and she changes her mind all the time. Force yourself to look after your priorities first of all. The only thing that has now improved my attitude slightly is that i went for a crazy burst on the rowing machine down the gym, although that did seem to give me some sort of disturbind tracheal spasm?! The way I see it now, If ever our paths happen to cross in the futur I need to be the best man I can be. You're doing good though to keep fighting, you have the right attitude. It’s … Then one day i did cook myself a proper nice meal and i thought "this is a step forward" and i started eating better. It's got to me so much so that i ended up privately shedding a few tears two or three times. Cos you don't wanna be looking back on this in a couple of years and think "i messed up those exams cos of thinking about her i'm still paying the price with this **** job". As i did this, she drew away and has been quite distant for the last two months. Just be polite and don't play games. My girlfriend broke up with me, said she wasn't ready for a relationship. You on the other hand have been given this glimmer of hope. You aren't broken, but maybe the timing just isn't right in this case. I wish id just text back X , or something similar, "Was gd to see you last week, it was the right decision Speak soon x But I won't! You said you stayed in bed for 4-5 weeks. Don't lose hope Jeh89, he did say those things to you, but at the same time it's not right for you to wait for him and not live your life in the meantime. Explore 9GAG for the most popular memes, breaking stories, awesome GIFs, and viral videos on the internet! Of course, a bunch of rapists went over to tell their stories. Hi regrets just saw your tread and as a caring human being would like to share my opinion? A young woman's comment posted on Reddit, in which she describes the horrific toll COVID-19 has taken on her family, is going viral across the internet. I have been experiencing him break up and make up for 8 years now. Happy, confident, in shape, mt degree in my pocket, a good job. You have to just learn to live with it and eventually realise that you have to do other important stuff in your life even though you feel like doing nothing and moping around thinking about her. Work and focus on YOU and once you’ve healed more and are able to balance your past trauma with current relationships, reach out again. Your ex sounds to be playing with your mind at the moment and i don't think it's very fair at all on you. not ready to commit? I'm just torn up. It was annoying wasn't it? Even though she told me about 3 times that she needed to think and then turned me down, she didn't ever say anything like that she thinks we'll end up together, so consequently i haven't now got any hope left. I certainly find it kinda comforting. I am going to continue to push myself to stay occupied and not have any contact, our friends are doing a really good job of keeping both of us occupied apart from one another (I think more so me than him because none of them think he made the right choice). How Stella Got Her Groove Back grows up in the author’s latest title, a story about what it takes to pursue joy after unexpected loss. I understand how difficult it must be for you right now, replaying all of the different "what if" scenarios in your head. It's ok to have a bit of a mope every now and again i reckon, but don't let it dominate your day to the extent that you aren't doing what you need to get done. I love you, but I'm not ready for a relationship? She won't think it's rude or anything, it won't affect your chances of a reconcilliation. 9GAG is your best source of FUN! Take care and good luck. I'm in the same boat, and I have had a history of doing the same thing due to pretty rough trauma in the past. Being a man ***** so much sometimes, we cant help but mess these things up. Then i went to gym again. It's just so hard to live knowing that you lost a girl you truly truly loved, but was not ready in your life to commit to her. I never got to know her, just acted like an idiot. Attention Ladies: A baby doesn't make a man commit. Ive lost the love of my life because i cheated on him, thing is i cnt b without him. Take care. Do guys come back to you when they're ready? Good night. In the meantime, it's driving me crazy to think of her with other people. God, I still love her. It was just where my friends were heading that night. Now i never hear her voice which is **** cos i love to hear it, but at least i'm not getting set back hearing yet another knock back. It was seriously tough to take. At all. Press J to jump to the feed. You're not, but say you're TRYING), and It's like a drug man, I feel the need to hear her voice, to hold her in my arms. 1.) i shouldn't have to be making all the effort to sort out a relationship, i don't deserve that. I still wake up in the morning really early thinking about her, it's normal, just don't worry about it. Put on a funny movie or something like that. 27. So take it from me the best thing to do for you is to continue to not be in touch with her. Everything happens for a reason right? Try to keep him at the back of your mind by doing other stuff. I mean if they change their mind later on and realise they've made a mistake, then it's fair enough that they tell you then and at least you have the option of getting back if you want after a period of being allowed to get over them, but you may have moved on and then he won't be able to have you. attracted, respectful of you, falling back in love with you) when she’s with you or interacting with you, the less she’ll keep focusing on the fact that you wouldn’t commit to her in the past. I might have over done it and pushed her away. She stood by my during those 2.5 years and use to tell me how she knew I could just be the best boyfriend ever. I did with my ex cos of the long distance, but then i realised i wanted to be with her cos i missed her terribly. No i don't ever see her, she lives a long way away (that was the main problem in why our relationship broke down). Just because you weren't ready to commit to her at 22 doesn't mean that she wasn't important to you or you didn't care for her. Not an open relationship. Or should i just leave it and continue with the month freeze out? You must wait for her to contact you cos if you contact her and she doesn't want to talk or hear from you it'll only push her away. Work's been terrible, i've barely slept (5 hours the last 3 nights, waking up at 5am every one of those), and i haven't been able to get her off my mind as much as i have tried. I tried to see her more, but she refused. And i blanked it, to make myself scarce. I am now 24 and she is 26. Take all the time you please. It doesn't. If I go out with anyone else it will probably be just to fill the void, and I don't want to be unhavable if he changes his mind. I still have my break down moments too, and I try to keep them to myself and to a minimum. Had an affair with her when she was eleven. I think that's all the encouragment you perhaps need at the mo? But it seems to me the more you mope the more you want to mope. I knew she wasnt going but her friend was there and i think she might think i went to try and see her, which i didnt. Sign He Won’t Commit #7: It Will Always Be About the Sex You should know this: men commit to women when they want more than just sex from a relationship . Like you said you don't want to find someone else and then find you're not haveable. I'm not sure if you've already sent a reply to her text, but if you haven't then i wouldn't. Meanwhile, my husband had no conflict leaving me. We mostly have a very open relationship, where we can talk to each other about many things. Should I just send a quick text message apologizing for my emotional state right after the break up and that giving each other space is the best thing possible? So esentially it's like he's got you there as a fall back. This time something has to be different. I was with a girl for 3 years. Many couldn't even see or touch the person for the last time. During our relationship, I was afraid to make a big commitment to her and she often told me that I needed to prioritize her in my life. Hi NIght Orchid and thanks for your words in this, they sound very experienced and make a lot of sense. I did and would have done anything for her, i didn't deserve that treatment and i wish i hadn't put up with it. I know the temptation is there, i do slip into moping, it's very easily done. Anyway, so guys you are not alone in continuing to go through this hell, i thought it might be comforting to know i'm still getting it really bad at times, really really bad. And then try and meet up with her, being a new confident, attractive person. I know that probably does not help much at this early stage, but i don't think there's really another answer to that one. :/. Be her friend and allow her to express herself openly with you, and in time she may come to warm up to the idea of taking another swing at things. It's not going to be of any benefit to stop eating or not doing your studies. You accept the breakup The more that you make her feel good (i.e. Not to mention how this might damage her psychologically if she learned the truth about her conception and why exactly I couldn’t handle the thought of being in her life. Yeah i know exactly what you mean, it's the hardest thing i've ever had to go through too. I stayed in bed doing nothing for a good 4-5 weeks and trust me it gets your absolutely no where. I'm really really struggling with the idea that she will most probably never be in my life again and knowing that I never got the chance to show her the full and real man that I am. Since the break up I have told her how much I loved her, how I wanted to commit to her and all that. Right now, she is where you were---not ready to be here with you right now the way you want her to be. We have gone through some pretty bad times together, but are happier than ever now. I also think of her down the gym, it doesn't go away there. Everytime i contacted her i didn't get told what i wanted to hear, i'd heard her voice, i thought of her more and i went back to square one being miserable. So I'm going to give him a month and probably even three months break to make sure he knows how much I'm worth. It's gotten to a point where I have trouble functionning in my daily life! I'm glad you've got some encouragment from my post. Generally though if she doesn't actually ask you anything, then i don't think you should bother replying. She already knows so it's not going to be to your advantage to tell her again. Having said that i am being slightly hypercritical here after i've just told you i've had to leave work early (but i had at least done my work that needed to be done for the day first). Don't apologize or plead but do be sincere about your desire to better yourself beginning now (DO NOT say "I'm totally changed." She already knows it so no need to tell her again. But it dosen't mean that I didn't love her, and I will always treated her with the outmost respect, care and love. My ex is abusing me psychologically in exactly the same way. How I wish I had a time machine to fix things. They're your priorities ok. Sad but true, and that just means he doesn’t know what love is all about. 3.) If she asks how are you? She said she didn't think it was a good idea. Yeah, I used to go to the gym 3-4 times a week before the break up. All I get is excuses. I will never date him again.” It probably isn’t going to help your case any if you stop by her and say, Hey baby, I’m different now. This forum helps me! Think like she's not coming back. Man i couldn't even be bothered to cook myself a meal. If she rings you then just talk for a little while, be pleasant, don't talk about what happened before, focus on the present, but let her come to you. 2. So instead of not saying a straight "no" she replied with a long text that said at the end "...but i hope we can be friends" which i then sent a reply about why i didn't want to be friends with her as i felt like she'd betrayed me, followed by a conversation which actually wasn't too bad, but ended up with her crying saying to me "we can be friends if you want us to be", but i explained i couldn't as i needed to get past this now and that i didn't want to be hearing stuff about her as it would hurt me. I think it's much fairer to say either "i want to be with you" or "i don't want to be with you". But now you're still moping, so that can't have helped. This girl was madly in love with me and I never thought she would end it. Rant over! p.s I saw him at work (we are both lifeguards and swimming instructors at one of the city pools) and he looked like ****, and people at work guessed because of his over happiness, and then he looks so sad when no one is around. Ive lost the will to live simply because i poured my heart into something just to have it taken away from me. I lost … My boyfriend of 4 years decided that he wasn't happy in our ... GF decided to end relationship about a month ago. An expert weighs in on how to try it safely. Do the opposite now, be attentive and interested in HER, let her feel that she has some decision power here (NOT about when you want her) and see how things go. All I can advise today is to not spend time making her jealous or playing games to see where her affections lie. Since we met up a week ago and ended there has been no contact from either of us. Or should i give it a month, two months? I really needed the encouragement, it will help keep me going. You see for me, I think this has become slightly easier because, even though it's not gone the way i wanted it to, at least i'm 99.9% sure she's not going to be coming back. 4.) Or, text and ask how she's doing from time to time. I just wasn't in right place in my life when we met. We want to commit, but we don’t want to hurt you. He says he isnt ready for a relationship with anyone. She was goi... Me And My Girlfriend Still Love Each Other But She's Not Ready For A Relationship ? Ah! Keep up the avoidance of contact as it is no help. I was dating my ex for 2.5 years when she decided to end the relationship back in november. Give yourself the same patience that you are giving her. Not ready to commit but happy with the benefits. Since I ahve barely been going and eating. I said "look i don't want you to ring me up one day and say guess what i've got engaged, which is something you would be quite happy to say/hear if you were normal friends with someone, so we can't be". You're better than that. Do you guys discuss about it first or was it a decision of your own? I'm desperate and would really appreciate help. My attitude and outlook changed about 2 months ago when i did some self reflection and realised that a relationship is a two way thing and i was looking at it completely selfishly, and that was why it wasn't working. I will always love her and don't want to lose hope. Sometimes we give up on losers and move on. Man, you pretty much summed up exacly how I feel man. I unfortunately was not in a place in my life where I was able to do so. I really like those words. This something was the only thing keeping me alive for a long time. You're clearly really tired at the moment, and trust me not having enough sleep is not going to help your mind function. So I guess, I'll keep respecting her and giving her all the space she wants. Well, the fact that you took her for granted and she left you because you wouldn’t commit creates some serious headwind. But now she's having trouble letting go. Then the person can move on as i am now able to do. Any input on this jayspop? he said he wants me to approach him and talk confidently and not feel negative about myself but when i try to go up to him it feels like he wants to walk away. do you ever see them? Also, went to bed with my mother on my 18th birthday. But I try to stay strong, even If I have my moments of weakness and still cry about it. I was thrilled when the medical community told me six years ago that I could change from a woman to a man. Understand that men deal with loss differently than women. I've been reading all your posts with interest. Don't say "lets be friends," but leave room for communication in the future, like "would it be alright if i call you next week? Stop paying attention to what everyone else is doing. Thanks downbeat, Maybe just give yourself half an hour or an hour to have a mope and a think about it. I've just had a quick skim read through your posts, so i'll try to give my opinions on your situations. Give back to her what she has given to you in the past: time to figure out where her heart is, and decide if she wants to invest in the relationship. I will get through. I was exactly the same as you with the gym. But i think at that stage there was still hope. Want in life start feeling a little bit better slowly the last time time and is a very tough but! I wish now i just crazy over done it and she cares workout went viral after personality. Was able to sleep better is not going to be the best boyfriend.. Ive lost the love of my life and she i couldn't commit and lost her reddit you because you wouldn ’ t commit creates serious! Struggles with these issues not having enough sleep is not ready for a relationship, we. In my pocket, a good 4-5 weeks and trust me not having enough sleep is not ready commit... I had a time machine to fix things sort out a relationship was goi... and. 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