Homeschooling with Depression
Battling Depression While Homeschooling
I feel like everything is crumbling around me. It isn’t, but it feels that way. I wake up in the morning and feel totally debilitated before I even get out of bed. It is daunting to face the day ahead. I feel numb, heavy, and dark. This is not sadness, it is all encompassing. It is hollow, a steady stream of nothing. Something is dragging me down into a vortex of darkness. There is physical pain in a deep recess inside of me. I don’t think this part of my body even has name. On days like this I know it is going to be bad. This is one of those days. Sometimes it hits out of nowhere ands sticks around for a day or two, sometimes a week or two. Other times it goes on for months at a time. I am battling depression while homeschooling.
It is going to take Supernatural Redemption for me to get through the day and love my family well. I have to intentionally go after it. Laying in bed all day long with my eyes closed is what I want, but it will lead to no good thing.
First, I make up my mind to do what I can for my family. I will not be a victim to depression. I will fight.
Today I choose to be Intentionally Redeemed. I will battle this depression. Redemption is something that I cannot give to myself, no matter how hard I work, no matter what I do. Depression is something that I cannot make go away, no matter how hard I work, no matter what I do. Today, I have to intentionally go after the redemption that is divinely mine as an heir of Christ.
I will be intentional and draw near to my Redeemer. Digging down into God’s word always changes my perspective. I am not alone. I do not fight alone. My God sees me. He will lead me when I ask Him to.
“I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do to forsake them.” Isaiah 42:16
I give Him my day and ask Him to show me what to do and when to do it, because when I feel this way I am blind to obvious things and make poor choices. I know He will help me, He promised not to forsake me. Instead of dwelling on who I am, I look up and praise and thank Him for who He is and all He promises me because I am His child who He has already Redeemed through the blood of Jesus.
Attitude of Gratitude
Looking outside of myself and recognizing how God has provided for me and blessed me is my second step in fighting threatening darkness. Thinking through what my life could like and comparing it to how it has turned out fills me with awe even in the bleakest moments.
Taking the kids on a walk around the neighborhood has multiple benefits. The endorphins and hormones that relieve stress moving through my body help immensely. It is always a time of bonding and blessing with my kids. Inevitably, I get one on one time with one of the boys while the others run and play as we go. Whenever a kid gets one on one time with me, they open up. This is a great opportunity for me to be quiet and just listen. As I do I discover more about him. It’s harder to be consumed by darkness when your child is sharing their heart with you. It is easier for all of us to dig into our daily work after we have this time together.
Breaks and Simple Beauty
Homeschool moms and kids need recess too! Setting a time for 20 minutes a few times a day and sending the kids for a break is a life saver. While they are playing, I light a candle, have some tea, and throw some music on. A few minutes to sit and admire the light of the candle, savor the tea, and listen to my latest favorite music while deep breathing is soothing to the soul. This is not hard to cram into a school day and helps so much!
Depression goes hand in hand with guilt. Succumbing to guilt holds me down. I refuse to be a victim. Separating guilt from conviction is valuable. Acknowledging my legit shortcomings and repenting of them and asking for forgiveness from my Creator, and then from my family is freeing. Satan wants to separate me from them, and guilt is one of his most effective tactics. Taking responsibility for the things I can is empowering and healing. Once I have owned what I can, the rest is guilt that can be dismissed. I move forward and get through the lessons that are at hand. I trust that the Holy Spirit will cover gaps and empower my kids in their journeys to own their own education. They will quench their thirst for knowledge, I support them every way I can.
No matter what I do I will likely never be free from this affliction. I would thankfully accept release from this thorn, but I do not expect that to happen. If I wallow in despair when I feel my worst, Depression wins. I have more peace when I know there will be stretches of dark times. I won’t let them throw me for a loop. Sometimes I feel it coming on gradually, other times it hits strong out of no where. The way I choose to respond and how I speak to myself impacts how successful my combat is. I go to God first and then use my tools to fight.
If you struggle with depression please seek counseling and get the help that you deserve. There is no shame in getting help.
You are valuable! You were created in God’s image on purpose, for a purpose. Take care of yourself and your family. Please utilize the many resources that are available to you.
To find a Counselor in your area use any of the following links: